Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
