The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
