dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
