Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
