Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
