apparently the secret to your success is patron
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
