So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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