You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
