Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
