I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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