What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
