I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
