i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
