If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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