i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
