Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
