I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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