You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
