I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
