i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize