I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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