I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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