Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
