I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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