a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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