I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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