yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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