It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
