you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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