you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
