I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
