I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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