No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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