chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
