You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
