So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
