you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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