I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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