I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
