Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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