I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize