you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
