i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
