I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
