Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
