I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
