I'm jealous of your bromance
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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