At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
