I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
