Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
