East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I could fuck to npr.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
