I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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