happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
