Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
