I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
