There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
