I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Plan B is the new Plan A
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
