Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How's work?
Spinning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
