Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
