Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I want her autograph on my taint
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
