I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
