If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
