bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
