My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
