I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
