The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
