he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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