Cold hands, warm shart.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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