WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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