My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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