the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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