ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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