I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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