i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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