I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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