I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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